Donald Thompson, the former judge accused of using a penis pump while on the bench, went to trial this January on charges of indecent exposure. Last year, court employees said they saw Thompson attach the penis pump to his privates, while jurors testified that they heard whooshing sounds coming from the judge's chair. In addition to masturbating with the penis pump, he allegedly oiled and shaved his genitals while hearing cases. Busy guy.
 

When a flasher whipped it out and started jacking, a quick-thinking New York subway rider whipped out her cell phone and snapped a photo of him, then posted it to Flickr and Craigslist. The result: the perv was soon ID'd and apprehended. Turns out he was a high-end "raw food" restaurateur -- and a repeat offender. Former victims who recognized him relived their trauma, while former diners at his restaurant threw up a little in their mouths.
 

Bored teenagers in a small town in India started taking their adolescent sexual frustration to the streets. The teen boys roved the town in a pack, ogling women at a shopping mall, shouting comments, and whipping it out and wanking off in full view of bystanders. Victims reported the world's first-ever drive-by splooging.
 

National Masturbation Month, sponsored by Good Vibrations sex toy store in San Francisco, celebrated its 10th anniversary this year. Celebrants took part in the yearly Masturbate-A-thon event and attempted to break the six-and-a-half-hour endurance record. Participants reported three cases of carpal tunnel syndrome and 10 incidents of extreme chafing.
 

According to prosecutor Tom Sneddon, Michael Jackson told a boy accusing him of sexual molestation that "masturbation was normal, then reached into the boy’s underpants and masturbated the boy and himself." While Surgeon General Joycelyn Elders also assured the public a few years ago that masturbation is normal, we are pretty sure this is not what she had in mind.
 

French director Jean-Claude Brisseau, credited with discovering Johnny Depp's wife, actress Vanessa Paradis, was accused by four actresses of forcing them to masturbate during screen tests. Brisseau justified the "erotic auditions" as "artistic" and "indispensable to his work." If by "work" he means "being a dirty old man" and "jacking off".
 

An Ontario man, ordered a large coffee at at drive-thru, the proceeded to pick it up at the window while naked and masturbating in his car. He "handed money to the employee with his unoccupied left hand"; she meanwhile was writing down his license plate number. He later admitted to doing a "bad thing." Not to mention a very stupid thing -- imagine if he had spilled that coffee in his lap...
 

In addition to being made to pose naked in pyramids and simulate anal sex, Iraqi detainees at Abu Ghraib prison were reportedly forced to masturbate by US military guards. Defense attorney Guy Womack downplayed the incidents. "Don't cheerleaders all over America make pyramids every day?" he said. "It's not torture." No word on if he commented on people masturbating every day...
 

Physicians warned worried parents that their tots' odd movements may simply be masturbation, not the sign of motor disorders requiring batteries of expensive tests. Though the head of the study reassured folks that infant masturbation is "such a common and normal behavior that it's nothing to worry about," no doubt some anxious parents will find that thought even more disturbing...
 

A wristwatch ad from Accurist was banned by the Advertising Standard Authority because it featured a naked woman with her hand in her lap, apparently masturbating. The ad's caption read "Me Time." The company stated that the ad simply acknowledged women's busy lives, and that the model's hand was placed in a "natural and comfortable pose". Uh-huh.